not in control
by yuutakun
Summary: Deku's hardly in control of his life with his abusive father crowding over him. He tries to confess his feelings for more than one person..but what happens when everything pushes you over the edge?


How could Shouto let this happen? This was all his fault. Silent tears streamed down his face as he looked at Izuku lying in the hospital bed, beat up beyond recognition. He'd been in a coma for 4 days now, and the only thing reassuring Shouto that Izuku was still with him was the steady beep of the heart monitor sitting next to the bed.

 **heart beats fast**

 **colours and promises**

 **how to be brave**

 **how can I love when I'm afraid to fall**

 **but watching you stand alone**

 **all of my doubt**

 **suddenly goes away somehow**

" _Todoroki, hold up!" Izuku calls. Shouto stops and turns around, lighting up suddenly when he realises it's Izuku calling after him._

" _What's wrong Izuku?" Shouto asks, sightly concerned because Izuku hardly ever talks to him, so it must be important._

 _Izuku shifts on his feet, looking down at the floor so Shouto can't tell what expression he's wearing._

" _Ummm..Todoroki.." Izuku says, his voice wavering, "w-would you w-want to umm come ummm…" Izuku trails off._

" _Would I want to what?" Shouto replies, slightly confused._

" _Todoroki, w-would you like..w-would you like t-to.." Izuku said with a frustrated huff._

" _WOULD YOU LIKE TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT WITH ME!" Izuku screamed. Shouto was slightly surprised, but then chuckled a little and said, "Yeah sure, why not"._

 _He didn't catch the glimpse of surprise and happiness that flashed across Izuku's face. Shouto would take the opportunity to not go home, even if was just for a while._

" _Really?" Izuku said, relieved he hadn't been turned down._

" _Of course, and I told you to call me Shouto," Shouto said, glad Izuku was finally opening up to him._

 _Izuku beamed, and grabbed Shouto's hand, pulling him towards the train station, "Right, Shouto"._

A tear spilled from Shouto's eye, and soon that one tear led to heart wrenching sobs racking through his body.

"I should've done something, I should've prevented this from happening," Shouto screams, holding on tight to Izuku's hand.

 **one**

 **step**

 **closer**

 **I have died everyday waiting for you**

 **darling don't be afraid**

 **I have loved you for a thousand years**

 **I'll love for you a thousand more**

What was I thinking? I should've been there to protect him. Will he ever forgive me? I don't think I could live without him. Please come back to me Izuku..

 **time stands still**

 **beauty and all he is**

 **I will be brave**

 **I will not let anything take away**

 **what's standing in front of me**

 **every breath**

 **every hour**

 **has come to this**

" _Sh..shouto.." Izuku started, wishing this wasn't so hard._

" _What's wrong Izuku?" Shouto asked. He stopped walking, turning back to face Izuku._

" _T-there's some- there's something I-I-I need to tell you," Izuku stuttered._

" _Are you okay?" Shouto asked, walking over to place a hand on Izuku's shoulder._

" _Y-yeah it's just I-I.." Izuku said, looking down at his feet._

" _You what?" Shouto asked, lifting Izuku's head so they were looking at each other._

 _Izuku shut his eyes, and screamed, "I LIKE YOU SHOUTO!"_

 _Shouto stumbled back, unsure of what to say next._

" _Y-you what?" Shouto fumbled, sure he didn't hear that right._

" _I like you Shouto," Izuku said, this time more confident._

" _I'm sorry," Shouto replied, tears threatening to spill from his eyes, as he turned around and ran away._

Why did I run away, why didn't I stay with him? I should never have left him alone. If I hadn't maybe none of this would've happened.

 **one**

 **step**

 **closer**

 **I have died every day waiting for you**

 **darling don't be afraid**

 **I have loved you for a thousand years**

 **I'll love for you a thousand more**

" _Breaking news! It has just been released that UA student, Izuku Midoriya, has been hospitalized for trying to commit suicide earlier today. His condition is critical, but we don't know the details. Pro hero Midnight was at the scene.."_

 _Shouto dropped the glass he was holding, but didn't even hear it shatter. He fell on the floor, his legs giving underneath him. He clutched his head and screamed. How could this be happening? This was all his fault. He was the one who rejected Izuku. He was the one who left him alone when he was vulnerable and alone._

 _Izuku the boy who saved his life._

 _Izuku the one who actually liked him for who he was._

 _Izuku the one who did anything just to make Shouto happy._

 _And now he's hurt, and it's all Shouto's fault._

Shouto wept as he sang, his voice wavering, unable to fully make the sounds. He hoped the words would still reach Izuku, pulling him back to Shouto.

 **and all along I believed I would find you**

 **time has brought your heart to me**

 **and I have loved you for a thousand years**

 **I'll love you for a thousand more**

 _Shouto ran outside, frantically searching for a taxi that would take him to the hospital. His father was calling after him, but he hardly heard as he dashed down the street in search of some way, ANY way to get to the hospital. Finally, he called for a taxi that was driving down the street._

" _Get me to the hospital, and fast!" Shout shouted._

 _Shouto panicked the whole way there. What if he didn't get there in time? What if Izuku was already..no he couldn't think like that. 15 minutes later and they arrived in front of the local hospital. Shouto threw money at the driver and jumped out of the car. He ran into the emergency room up to the reception desk. Thankfully, there were only 2 other people waiting in line. Shouto tapped his foot impatiently. He was wasting time, time he didn't know if he had. Finally, he got to the front of the line._

" _Is Izuku Midoriya here?" Shouto asked, his heart racing._

" _Are you a family member or a relative?" The receptionist asked._

 _Shouto knew she wasn't going to tell him where Izuku was if he wasn't related to him._

" _Umm yeah I'm his cousin," Shouto replied quickly._

 _The receptionist looked skeptical, but thankfully she didn't push it._

" _Izuku Midoriya you said?" she asked, typing up something on her computer._

" _Yes." Shouto replied._

" _He just got booked into room 42D," the receptionist said, handing him a note with the room number on it._

" _Go to floor 4 in that elevator and the signs should take you the rest of the way," said pointing to the elevator on the left._

" _Thanks," Shouto replied, taking the note out of her hand and hurrying to the elevator. He arrived on the 4th floor and made his way to room 42D. He looked in the room but didn't see anyone in there. There were a few flowers around the bed. Shouto's breath hitched when he saw the green haired boy he secretly loved so much lying in the hospital bed. Shouto took a deep breath and opened the door, stepping into the room. He sat down in a chair next to the bed, and before he could stop them the tears fell._

Shouto wept, looking at Izuku, willing him to wake up.

"Please..please.." Shouto pleaded, leaning down to capture Izuku's lips on his own.

"I'm so sorry..this is all my fault.." Shouto trailed off as he sang the last verse of the song.

 **one**

 **step**

 **closer**

 **one step closer**

 **I have died everyday waiting for you**

 **darling don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years**

 **I'll love you for a thousand more**

 **and all along I believed I would find you**

 **time has brought your heart to me**

 **and I have loved you for a thousand years**

 **I'll love you for a thousand more**

Todoroki gasped in surprise when he heard Izuku's voice join his for the end of the song.

"Shouto.." Izuku croaked, raising a hand to cradle Shouto's cheek. Shouto leaned into the touch, savouring every moment.

'I'm so sorry Izuku," Shouto whispered. He was never, ever going to let Izuku go again.


End file.
